sWeEt sIxTeEn

Dreams

2005-05-10T20:54:00.000+08:00

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

When you wish upon a star

2005-05-09T17:25:00.000+08:00

When u wish upon a star
Makes no difference who u are
Anything ur heart desires
will come to u
If ur heart is in ur dream
No request is too extreme
When u wish upon a star
As dreamers do
Fate is kind
She brings to those to love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing
Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees u through
When u wish upon a star
Ur dream comes true

--Pinochio

IF

2005-03-28T22:12:00.000+08:00

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
Yet make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foe nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
- Rudyard Kipling.

today

2005-03-23T15:58:00.000+08:00

My hair has been cut!!Haha..its been 3 months since i last went to the hairdresser's and my hair's been so bothersome ever since the weather turned so horribly hot and stuffy.
I actually meant to snip my long hair and cut a nice hair style that is simple and suitable for my face, but then when my hairdresser asked,"Are you sure?" I kinda melted and decided to just trim it.
Aah..now it's like in the middle of nowhere and i have to tie it or ill get caught but when i tie half of my hair falls out of the ponytail..its so irritating..
I think there's something wrong with my hair coz its been getting a shade lighter than usual lately.Maybe its coz im always out in the sun, but that doesnt mean that it should turn from dark moussey brown to dark red!!This is alarming..aah..in due time my whole head might just turn to dark orange to light orange to dark yellow and then to white!!
The hairdresser says its perhaps the shampoo i use, but hello,everyone uses Lux, but why does it only happen to me?!I dont believe it one bit, but it seems to get to Mom as she's buying new shampoo from my hairdresser 'just in case'.Ive got this feeling that the hairdresser is a wee bit tooo persuasive..hmm..
Just skipped orientation today because it was getting a little useless.Its rather sad to see almost half the cohort going off, leaving the O2 leaders to their own activities, but sadly,im one of them..Just thought that spending the rest of my time at Bibi and Baba was more worthwhile.Haha, im soo timely, the new stock just came in!
Haha, still remember the others telling me not to buy so early because Bibi and Baba had supposedly run out of sizes for skirts..
Tomorrow's gonna be class CIP:D we havent been practising hard though, so im afraid that tml might just be a failure.The guys especially are just not enthusiastic enough..sigh..but luckily kor was there to lift spirits though with his amusingly offkey voice:D
really hope that everyone will be encouraged to be like him and give their best tomorrow to give the elderly a good time..

sweet sixteen

2005-03-03T19:10:00.000+08:00

"Things I'll Never Say"
I’m tugging at my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my coolI know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head

[pre-Chorus](Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah

[Chorus]If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to
want to see you go downOn one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

chinese new year

2005-02-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

im in the midst of lotsa firecrackers and LOUD noise back at home!whoa..juz played with firecrackers and nearly got myself burnt:(but then..im finally home nw..after weeks and weeks of waiting and slacking away back at the hostel--
im not as free as last time, coz ive joined lotsa CCAs and CIP activities to keep me busy and my spirits up..sometimes im so tired that i juz plop onto the bed and fall fast asleep..lil goat sometimes calls but im already asleep..
The heat is on at RJ--whoa..juz got back my math pop quiz and realized that i din get 0..ok..i got 4, which is lyk juz as bad considering that the total mks are 15..walao..but not that bad la..i got 0 for kinematics in nanyang before lor..the problem is that everyone in class is much much more power than me..lots lots more..that some are surprised that i can actually be a scholar..haha..they expect me to top the class in stuff when i end up at the bottom..omg..it's not that im nt bucking up..im trying to..i did all i could..but things juz end up this way..haiz..
forgive me..it's only the beginning of the year,but ive spent so long a time at nanyang to know that once i dont do well in the beginning i'll begin to lose faith in myself and all things go awry..lyk in sec 3 when i failed the end of year biology pp2 coz i juz gave up on it mentally..haha..luckily that's over..
well, im prob repeating this for the hundredth time but YES!February is here and i feel more and more stressed as the days go by..some say the 'O's will be out by the 28th..omg..somebody pls help me!
ya i guess pp think im juz worrying for fun lyk wad others do but no..my intuition is always right..and this time i cant feel a single shred of confidence left in myself..wad with granny passing away at the start of the 'O's really put me off my energy level..ya so for the rest of the entire exam period, i was only using lyk half of my brain to study and the other was lyk stoning and totally in shock?!oh..so i went out maeb lyk 3 or 4 times during that period juz to assure myself of doing something instead of wasting my time away..but in the end i din get the assurance i wanted..it was so draggy and tiring that i was juz hoping to survive the entire ordeal..aargh..heck it..
ohoh..im stuck up here in the computer rm coz the tv program sucks and nobody allows me to watch lord of the rings--what a gd way to spend chinese new year's eve..

nth much..juz life

2005-02-05T19:36:00.000+08:00

Whoa..it's been lyk weeks since i logged onto the internet..haha..sorry, but the hostel's Wireless system kinda sucks. They take lyk a month to activate the entire wireless system?!!yea and i cant log on here, i cant log on at home as well coz my computer supposedly was hit by some virus and my mom forgot to pay the internet bill to jaring so it got suspended..sigh..life is soo not a bed of roses...
It's been a really good month at RJ..that's January..now we come to February..and it's still going strong:) So far i've joined 4 CCAs, three of which require really a great deal of commitment: Chinese Orchestra, Youth Club at Boon Lay as well as the Singapore Youthchallenge..
Sounds cool huh?I guess i've not really much special talents but to do community service and those kinda social services that allows me to interact with people..oh i love to do that, coz it really gives me a great deal of satisfaction and does not require interviews and tryouts and stuff..:)
Oh and im so happily busy coz im preparing for the upcoming SYF, and it's the first time i've ever looked forward to it!Yea RJCO is kinda disappointing coz it's nt as gd as NYCO, but the atmosphere there is totally different..no stress at all..:)That's what i lyk..heex..so i dun really care for gold now,coz it's really the experience that matters..believe me
My class is really nice--there are no cliques(well maybe juz 2) and the guys are fun to be with!They're all such cHuMs..lyk big brothers who love to tease their little sisters minus the meanness..well, i've only a younger brother, so i finally get the chance to be the youngest in class..yay:)
*Sighz*so much so of life..hard life..juz sat for my first math pop quiz--i tink i got close to zero--*sobz*the teachers r out to kill!!

such a hassle...

2005-01-21T20:39:00.000+08:00

It's been just 3 weeks from the start of school and i already love RJ so much!
ohman...the campus itself is great, the people are fabulous, and the spirit of being a Rafflesion is lyk so amazing!oops..forgive me, im getting a lil over excited..but JC life jtz seems different..well, i nv loved NY THAT much..(if i ever loved it at all)
Well, it's been abt a whole mth since i've been allowed online coz the hostel's com lab isnt open to me yet( i havent applied for wireless.hehe)
I'm so happy that i could get leave to return during this rather long hari raya break!!ya..going to have goreng pisang tml outside my hse..haha..i miss it so much!it rox!!
However, much as i enjoy it..there's always SoMeThInG to dampen my spirit..haiz...the com at hm isnt working as well..aargh..someone hacked into my internet account so i cant go online nw...now im at sherm's hse using his com secretly while he's locked upstairs with his gf..dunnoe hw she looks lyk la..but becoz of her no one opened the gate for me to enter for half an hour lo..damn pissed...deaf or wad :S
But luckily, his maid juz came out of the kitchen or sth and opened the door for me else i could have juz screamed the whole world dwm for him to open..aargh..nw it's been almost an hr since i've been here secretly using his com and he still hasnt come down..so he still doesnt noe..hahaha..tok abt stupidity:D
wow..being his maid is lyk heaven..no one is at hm and the guy's upstairs with his girl..so she's temporarily the owner of the hse for the night..think abt that!Now whilst im using this com, she's rested comfortably outside watching the tv!!!whoa...:P
haha..im trying to put the idea of the 'O's being out in Feb out of my mind coZ i really dun wanna think bout what i'll feel if i get kicked out..i love the school SO SO MUCH!
oh man..of coz..there are hunks and everything..but most only have the lOoKs and nth else...muahaha

speechless

2004-12-23T17:51:00.000+08:00

I hate this time of the year..not because i don't like Christmas, but because i am reminded of what comes after that--new boarding and moving in.
It's not that i'm not looking forward to the new RJC life i'll be experiencing the next 2 yrs(in fact, i'm bored stiff),it's juz that i detest the packing..the last time i packed to return home from the NYBS, my room was filled to the brim with loads of dust, dust and MORE dust..making me sneeze till i almost collapsed..aargh..
Yesterday i went Christmas shopping with my cousins and brother and auntie..rather rushed coz we had to complete the ENTIRE christmas shopping spree in one day, so as expected, my brother couldn't take it and went back to the Simgapore apartment at Balmoral Park to sleep and swim, while leaving us older fellas to get the rest..
We shopped from Causeway Point all the way to Orchard then to Somerset..four of us heaving at the the plastic bags of presents that we had bought..all my money was almost spent..but that's usual every Christmas..
We started from 12pm after Justin had gone back to Marsiling to get his posting results,then all the way to 7pm..wow..actually planned to eat out instead of meeting with the rest of the family for dinner but my uncle insisted and brought us to a place, a hotel infact, though i cant really recall the name coz i was too tired and hungry, but it came in the form of a buffet and the only staple foods provided were porridge with sweet potato and white porridge..haha..budden again, the side dishes were nice..oh boy, i really am growing fat..
Just outside there were these 2 immobile robots on display, without the outer metal covering to serve as the skin, so we could see the wires inside them, budden it was really obvious that one was a female the other was a male..i guess its creator made that obvious enough..
Then we went later to the Creative Networks at Jurong(West, i tink)coz there was a warehouse display of MP3 players and stuff, and my cousin got himself one..the most expensive one too--about..$449..wow..and that was after 3 whole hrs of discussion and argument with his parents..that was amazing..wow..
Then, my brother started suggesting that i got one for him too for Christmas, which was absolutely preposterous and i spent the next few minutes scolding him for being such a copycat since he already owned a discman with the MP3 abilities..spoilt brat..aargh..trust him to annoy me when i'm already so grumpy and tired..
Anyway, in the end i got him a storybook, called Wolfbrother i tink..the cover was that of ancient ruins and stuff, and that name as well as the synopsis of the story was very catchy(my insticts have never failed me in this area before)..so i bought it.. and gave it to him.But i forgot to remove the pricetag, so he saw it and started grumbling and grmbling..says wad i need to get him another present on top of this..coz it's only $24.10..ok..that's fine..budden Justin looked at his present and said his was worse, only $13.90, and I had to get him another one too..then Esther looks at hers and says hers was only $19.90 and i owed her another..aargh..so now, i have to get THREE more..think about that..

in the midst of the hols

2004-12-13T20:03:00.000+08:00

I'm right here in the suburb of Kuala Lumpur..haha..went right from johor baru to kl then to ipoh and to taipeng..now, i'm back here in kuala lumpur to spend my last night of my 'tour'..well, it's not really considered a tour to me coz i havent left the country at all..actually wasnt really keen on this trip, juz that i could escape from the daily naggings of my mom..and a change of scenery..
Haha..luckily this paid off..now i'm having a GREAT time with my cousin's cousins(not mine, mind u), regardless whether older or younger, we play games from cards to badminton..all day long too..and all the houses we go to make it a point to 'blanja' us to sumptuous dinners on our last nights there..means that the nx time my friends u all c me i surely appear fatter than usual..haha..
9th Dec was my birthday..i was v happy that many of my chums actually remembered it and smsed me..yea..budden the sad thing was that i wasnt at johor baru on this special day so i couldnt go out with my chums to celebrate it..haiz..then my cousin's cousin (a.k.a.kiwi) in KL promised that he would buy deer meat to celebrate this occasion..
dEeR mEaT wor~i havent eaten bfore leh..then when the clock struck 12, he still had not the slightest inclination of moving to the car and was stuck at the computer..aargh..was a lil saddened budden..nv mind..i was really v tired..in the end, i fell asleep at 1am, and they were eating deer meat at 1am too!!When i heard of it the nx day i nearly zha dao lor..but nvm..i hope to have a big meal when i get home tomorrow...

the day bfore my birthday

2004-12-08T23:02:00.000+08:00

sYmBolIsM

2004-11-18T17:25:00.000+08:00

Animals in our midst
Who looks like a..
1.toad?
erm..Lee Fang..can u guess why?
2.elephant?
..
3.pig?
..
4.goose?
Shy Min..coz i din wanna praise her too much by saying she's a swan..heex
5.mountain goat?
somewhat in his name..
6.penguin?
B304..walked lyk one LAST TIME..lolx..sorry..;)
7.hippo?
Kevin?bought a pink hippo in honour of u..
8.duck?
the one the father works in Lavender or sth..
9.porcupine?
hair lyk broom one that girl..
10.chimpamzee?
erm..hs say u one hor..not me..i say monkey
11.swan?
erm..the one looks lyk Fann Wong, who's UgLy
12.cat?
Kitty!!
13.chipmunk?
Chiewy!!
14.dog?
of coz is..
15.giraffe?
can u tink of anyone?i tot of ..kang yu..
16.turtle?
arthur..this is a renowned fact..
17.tortoise?
me..heehee..

adapted from...

2004-11-15T17:05:00.000+08:00

1. What u do if u never get 2 see sumone u like?
eh..think bout him when i'm alone or upset..wad else can i do?
2. If u got the chance 2 tell the guy/girl that u like him/her, would u tell him/her?
maeb hint hint a little..if that dumbo doesnt get it, then i'll juz punch him then walk off..heex
3. If the guy/girl u like already have sumone else in mind, wat would u do?
give up lor..
4. Would u rather like sumone who likes u or sumone who u like?
i'd rather both ways..
5. Would u wait for the guy/girl who u like very much to change his/her mind?
as long as i still lyk him, i guess i've no more space for another..hmm..doesnt ans the qn..i dunnoe how to ans..haha..
6. Do u think love is like a dream? It ends when u're awake?
that's maeb if u havent met someone for u...
7. Would u rather prefer to stay sumwhere near the guy/girl u like n look at him/her or rather go up to him/her n talk to him/her?
i'm content with juz looking..coz maeb the moment he toks, my beautiful impression of him will be scarred..:)
8. If u were to see him/her at the street, would u go up n say hello to him/her?
duh..that's if we noe each other la..
9. If him/her had a fight outside & he's in boys/gers home now, will u wait for him/her?
dat's if i really lyk him..
10. Wat if him/her suddenly disappear in this world, wat would u do?
shocked..stunned..then immense sadness..then lonliness..then pining..then withering..enuf drama?
11. Wat if 1day ur ex, he/she come back to u? Wat will u do?
give him a few punches for ditching me(that's if he does)..but really..depends on whether i lyk him..if i'm attached..i shant even bother bout him lor..juz friends..
12. Do love really hurts?
if u're not careful..maeb..but most of the time, it's sweet..haha..:D

eNd Of ThE wEek!!!

2004-11-10T19:59:00.000+08:00

Biology was a really grand slam..haiz...the questions were weird..my answers were even weirder..aargh..i shan't tok about it coz it's finally over and i've survived it...
It's 10mins past now..and i've juz realised that the bloody albino qn was toking about albinos..not that i din noe..but i din noe that the WHOLE question was toking bout albinoes..AARGH!!!!!Can somebody hear me?WAD KINDA WORLD IS THIS??
-Whew..shant think bout it anymore..whew..life's great..life's great...whew...-
now..it's another erm..7 days to the nx pp and i'm still trying to decide whether i should spend today resting n recuperating from the initial shock or should i continue studying..though the brain cells are practically dying by the millions nowadays...
Got my phone bill juz two days ago..really goddamn exploded..a heavenly $377.79..wow..brilliant aint it??haha...can anybody save me..

the day she went away

2004-11-03T17:23:00.000+08:00

date:2-11-2004,All Souls' Day
Such a beautiful and holy day, such a wonderful and timely death...
Forgive me..i tink i'm going mad..it was after the SS paper when i received news of gran's death...and i was stunned..really, i could think of nothing at all..the world was spinning..
I knew I had to go home,I had to catch a glimpse of her bfore her burial..but I juz felt so lost, so alone in my room..
Then, I finally recovered and realised that I had to go down to the office to have my passport back, so I went over to LeeFang's room to get her to accompany me..by then, I was lyk..really flustered and stuff, and I really couldnt stop my legs from walking so fast...really so lost
On the 170 bus..dunnoe why, I was lyk stuck in the midst of elderly pp..front got 1 old woman, back got 1 old man, then beside me got 4-5 elderly pp..oh my gosh, I really felt lyk crying lo...
Then it was in the Sacred Heart Cathedral that I met up with everyone else..aunt was crying, but she din dare go inside coz she's got this fear of dead things..I wish I din too..coz the moment I did, tears started flowing..and wad the hell..we had to sing 'Amazing Grace' when everyone could barely speak..
I walked to the coffin where she lay..really lyk a doll..so beautiful and ancient..she had lipstick on too..for the first time in her life..and she looked really at peace..I had this uncanny feeling that her chest was still moving..aargh..esther too..but no one believed us lo..why does everyone believe the doctor and not us?

just a touch of inspiration

2004-10-26T16:25:00.000+08:00

Today i suddenly felt that Avril Lavigne's really amazing...coz her lyrics suit my mood sometimes..today, it's this...

'Naked'
I wake up in the morning
put on my face
the one dat's gonna get me
through another day
doesnt really matter
how i feel inside
this life is lyk a game sometimes

Then u came around me
the walls just disappeared
nothing to surround me
keep me from my fears

I'm unprotected
see how i've opened up
you've made me trust

I've nv felt lyk this bfore
i'm naked around u
does it show
u see right through me and i cant hide
i'm naked around u
and it feels so right

Trying to remember
why i was afraid
to be myself and let the covers fall away
Guess i nv had someone like u
To help me fit in my skin...

2004 Graduation Ceremony

2004-10-23T21:18:00.000+08:00

Never expected it to be so wonderful...i mean, yah,there were times when it was boring and all we could do was sit and shake leg lah,but when we sang the farewell song,it was juz...aargh...cannot explain..it's lyk after 4 years here there's some beautiful conclusion to this life which will forever remain history...coz time waits for no man...yes i remember..
Why din we hav such a thing in primary sch???I only rmb that on the last day of sch, nO oNe was crying, and i din feel aNyThInG!!!That was kinda bad bcoz that meant that i wasnt really sad bout leaving the sch...but coming to think of it, there was not even the mOoD to do so..
All Mr Ng did was to present the top 10percent with this mega heavy book on the animals in the Singapore Zoological Gardens?!! oh yes, and there was the KFC or McDonalds' meal set for everyone as well i think...maebe they think they're spending money on something that can at least be eaten, but then,once eaten, forgotten...so...haiz..that's a bad move...
Saw Mr Chan's face today when the commentator announced for 401 to go get the model class award..haiz...i was disappointed too, that he should put in so much hard work for it and doesnt get it..'ve had that feeling many many times, so i do sympathise with him...anyway, if we DID get it, guess it would have made it even better...
i also saw Char on stage to get model student..haiz..mom says pple like me NEVER get model pupil awards..yah..and i do agree..though how i wish mom din spell it out loud...juz not in my blood la, wad to do??i'm the kinda of person who pons CCA, shirks responsibilities, is nv serious, always broods over the worst things...blahblah...i hav every possible trait that is negative,juz name it!Budden, i'd trade my personality for no others', coz i'm special...;)

wHeN eAcH dAy is LyK a LiFeTiMe

2004-10-21T17:40:00.000+08:00

My phone bill is exploding..oh my god...really dread the day when mom really gets the post coz she sure's gonna hang me for that...aargh...though i sorta hinted about it budden i guess both of us arent really ready for the impact of that really blasted bill...once i got this hateful dream that it exploded right it my face coz it was simply too high..lolx...
Now, i'm trying really hard to control myself coz i'm trying to cut down costs though the damage has already been done...and that damn idiot has been goin around tellin the others that my phone bill is exploding...aargh...shant boost his ego any further coz he gives himself too much liao..
i feel as if i'm lamed without the use of the handphone..everytime i use it i cringe coz i knoe it's gonna add to my burdens lo...anyway, really cant wait to get this week over and done with...
first, my chem was a flop...aargh...come on la..chem's practically the only sure science subject that i sh be able to score an A1and u give me this?oh man...when pp get pale green ppt in colourless solution i get white ppt in pale green solution or sth lyk dat...
wad is this...man...really hope there's some MIRACLE that happens and actually gives me the fortune to get a 32/40 or sth...can i???

cOmPuTeR fReAk~~

2004-10-16T19:57:00.000+08:00

Aargh..guess i am a computer idiot after all...i tried to change the colour of the second last entry and now the entire thing is GONE!sobzz...i dunno wad i did though...;(
Anyway, i went to the open house for victoria and national junior colleges today..wow..an eye opener...especially in VJC, when we were greeted with this dolphin(lee fang says shark, but anyway...)and a couple of house captains of the surfing club or something...din really realise that they were surfers at first despite their golden tan..so we din really get it when they said"save the dolphins!" Wow, all the pple there were really enthusiastic and stuff..there was this goodie bag sponsored by Singtel with all sorts of stuff lyk diary la,free coupons la,vouchers la...phew...lotsa stuff really!
We had this free milo to drink too...wow, and can top up as much as you lyk! Then, as usual, I had to do something stupid such as fling my goodie bag around too much so that I upset Viz's cup and spilled the milo down her 'torso'..as usual, she sCrEamEd at me...haiz..guess I deserved it(hehe)..
So i accompanied her to the toilet, so I missed this chance to meet an old friend...
haha, but never mind lo, coz I got this comment from Lee fang that her boobsies were too BiG...oohlala..
:)
aArGh...juz now lee fang spotted a strand of wHiTe hair!!!oh noooooo...she plucked it out and i observed that it was very very very light brown...that's all...pls don give me anymore heart attacks...thank you

freakin' tired

2004-10-11T14:26:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired...very tired..regardless of how much i rest or how much i sleep blah blah my bloody big panda eyebags nEvEr recede..wad de..i'm kinda getting the feeling that i was born with it or something...
Oh yes...why am i always cheated?aargh..kinda got a free incoming calls plan so when others call, i can have no hold of whatever time and how long i wanna talk..coz it's for fReE!Oh man...why din i ever think that it was only for local..haha...everyone thinks that i'm really bloody stupid...why din i figure it out earlier?Toked for a record breaking 55mins and ..seconds bfore my hp ran out of battery...really..i could have gone on to tok longer if it din run flat...toking is fun:P
i really hope that mom will be cock eye for ONCE when the bill comes...she's bound to hammer me for sure...last month's bill was lyk..a blasted 80 dollars?!!wow...and my global sms took up lyk 30 dollars..wow...hey, i din mean it noe..juz that i tot i had 200 free sms...haiz...how naive...
For the entire weekend i've been wrecking my brains on which jc to go to...really, there's so many to choose from...how the hell am i suppose to decide which one i want to go?There's so many conflicting views about this and that, so much so that i'm getting confused by the minute!!
Everyone says that i'm really pessimistic...really..haha..why am i always worrying that i cant get into some freakin' good jc when 7pts is lyk hEavEn..it's simple..my situation is lyk..dIfFeRent..
I always tot that getting 9pts was good enuf..really, no kidding, until i found out that my queue was different from the others..that they actually limit the no. of scholars in one jc!!Tok about mErItoCraCy...haha...this world is nv fair...
blah...enuf of all that...i'm dRoWNing under prelim pps that pile up aft each passing day...i do and do and do and it nv ends...still got a whole pIlE at home...aaaaaaaargh..if only time really fLeW...

my own sk8er boi

2004-10-04T17:04:00.000+08:00

'tomorrow,tomorrow...'

2004-10-02T20:58:00.000+08:00

I was just listening to Avril Lavigne just now, and I remember this song particularly clearly:
'I don't know how i feel, tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to sae, tomorrow,tomorrow,
It's a different day..'

I mean, Let Go is a really good album..really cool and original, but somehow this song is particularly striking, it sorta touches me..leaves me thinking of the confusion of tomorrow, as well as what we are destined to do tomorrow..Everyday there's a tomorrow, is it really something worth looking forward to?Once i tot that growing up was fun, you know, u wear some really formal business wear, put on make up, and then drive to work then sit in this comfy office and take calls, carry files etc..well, it was what i always saw on tv, and in my dad's workplace..now that i'm 16, i realise how close i am to adulthood..5yrs more..suddenly i realise that 16 isn't v young either, and i get freaked out..as usual..

I was thinking, everyone needs some inspiration in their lives bfore they can ever do something great..so what was Avril Lavigne's inspiration?Truthfully, it aint really the lyrics that attracted me at first, since i was listening to the music on radio, i got sorta pumped up when i first heard the drums for 'Complicated'. Gradually, i realised how simple it was..the lyrics i mean, and how so meaningful..

'Why do you have to go and make things so complicated
see the way you're actng lyk your somebody else gets me frustrated.
Life's lyk this
and you fall and you crawl and you break and you take
what you get
and you turn it into
honestly promise me
i'll never ever find you faking ..
No No No'

simple, short but really concise and to the point..
don't you think?
I love Avril =)

Something's gotta give

2004-10-02T16:46:00.000+08:00

Feeling rather tired and worn today..i dunnoe why..probably that's because i got out of the wrong side of bed or something. I dont noe if anyone noes this, but i'm the kind of person who dislikes anything and everything about sudden changes in my life. Maebe if i lived in the era of wad Ming Dynasty, i would be the kind of person whom people would sae 'are resistant to changes'. Was juz thinking bout wad Shy Min saed rather recently,"Why Barbara lyk nv ever visit beaches lyk dat arh?"
Haha..yeapz..that got me thinking too..why dont i ever visit beaches?Well actually I do..juz that(maeb i'm a bit weird) i dont go there to play beach games or something, but juz to listen, to feel and to enjoy..wow..that's why i always go to the beach in the evening or at early morning..somehow noise hurts me..makes me flustered and noisy and heated..argh..
Once i asked Viz and gang wad i looked lyk i would become when i grow up, and that gave them a headache, coz i juz din fit into any category, bet not even a housewife or something..yeah..u noe, Lee Fang looks lyk she's really into boutique, while Viz and Shy min are juz those kind of business-suit-wearing people..me?
Ha..that got me thinking..is my future really so bleak? Coz i'm the kind of person who'll nv do well in anything unless i really love it, and who tires of anything and everything that is more or less lyk a routine.i want something..original.Temperamental but not unpredictable..aint i really contradictory?hmm..many think i should go become a writer instead, but deep down, i noe i cant survive..for i need inspiration to do something, and mine comes lyk once in a blue moon, so how am i supposed to sit and wait and slowly die of hunger while i wait for that streak of inspiration to appear? Haha..i have not the patience..
I dont need to go to the best jcs or universities(yes, though i want to) coz no matter whatever course i take, i'm bound to follow my heart in the end.But what does my heart say?There's too much fat in the way, so the sound's completely blocked out..haha
I dun wanna regret it years down the road..i wanna get something i would really love and enjoy, but not demanding or pressurizing..Many of you all noe that i seem to try to skip CCA as much as possible..well, i always hope so though most of the time i sae onli..but that's becoz other than percussion, i see no end of strain to it all. Music always rejuvenates me, but somehow, i feel tortured there--funny, isnt it?
Is this a phase of impracticality i have to go through? Will it just fade away, or will I have to suppress it for the rest of my life?

a tOtal sTrAnGeR

2004-10-01T16:36:00.000+08:00

A total stranger

Emptiness embittered in a thorough flick of pain
A dash of hopes, a cringing of
What comes ahead, an endless abyss
The world stopped short..

Something tells me, that I am ashamed
Of facing reality, or dismissing my pain
Tell me..
Has thee ever seen such a person
Drifting in a mist of winter and rain
Refusing to exit to see the day?

Pity ravages my wrecked heart and soul
So close, so close..
Nay, aint heartbroken or shattered,
Just..empty

Angels aye surrounding me,
Worried, comforting and brimming with light
Joyous heavens sing with praise
They gesture to me--I said nay

The songs slow down, their beams flicker
Thou art a pin in a cushion
Painful, unnecessary, but yes, present
I know that..I say
Then the songs begin again..

Father Time, awake from thy sleep
Kiss my fears and sins away
I turned away angels just yesterday
Aint my fault, but I had to--
Coz I was tainted that day..
Now thou art different now..
Yes different--even paths are different now..

-to all who know what i'm talking about-

pAnIc

2004-09-29T17:30:00.000+08:00

Today was even worse than yesterday--all crammed with practicals from the start of school all the way until the period after recess..actually it was quite okay for me coz somehow the practicals now seem way easier than they were before prelims..dunno why..it's either i'm beta at prac or the papers r easier..blah..anyway, the worse came during chemistry.Anna Fu came into the lab and asked us all to have a try at the dunno-wad-prelim-modified prac qn about the cream ppt and stuff but no one moved, so she started calling names..and the worse is, she only named three, and one of them was me..gave me really a shock coz unlike the other two, she nv even gave me the slightest hint about me not doing as well as the others for chem prac and now she picks me among all the rest to go do that blasted prac!aArgh..practicals always give me the creeps, especially when my niology prelim prac turned out to be a flop ever since I came out realising that I had juz created history by making wHiTe pPt magically appear in the benedict's test..dIsBelIeF yes...but somehow I managed it..
Anyway, i was damn depressed after that..really..dont come and tell me such creepy news the day bfore u return me the paper..budden I was rather touched when Viz actually sent me an sms to cheer me up, and when Shy Min tried all her means to invent some weird explanation lyk "maeb it was random?" to cheer me up..thanks guys, u rock..
Had a really nice dream last week..something romantic..about me going on a date with this really cool guy with a nice tan--i suspect I dreamt of the-guy-my-mom-said-was-13..anyway, I was rudely awakened by somebody smashing a blasted pillow on my face..my mom..then she has this habit to hug me when she wants me to wake up..then I'll wriggle and squiggle, then she'll start squeezing me, then tickling me..aargh..and I COULDNT FIND OUT THE ENDING..
So sad..then i plonked myself back into bed and tried squeezing that blasted dream out..but it was gone..always lyk that..why cant nice dreams last?haiz..and why's mom always the murderer of my dreams...

of sixteen and beauty...

2004-09-28T14:57:00.000+08:00

hey, it's just after hols--well not really, just for my school--4 days only, but enough for me to go home.Here I am, dragging my heavy linen across the causeway under the heavy evening rain,thunder and lightning flashing above me, and what happens? I'm tired and hungry and when I finally reach the hostel, roomy asks me,"Why u nv bring the Terminal blah blah.." Really, I'm blasted tired and hungry, and all I get is this? Get a life...
Just found out that Lee Fang and Viz have got themselves contacts..and all I can do is sigh...i aCtUalLy ForGot all about it!Oh gosh, now I'm spending another 2 months here in hostel with my blasted specs that go all slanted when I sweat..AaRgH..help..
I'm looking at my childhood pics now,and juz realised how nerdy I was last time..how could I ever think about going on a holiday with long pink striped tights with an ultrabig tee and hair tied so tightly back that I look like some geeky 10 year old who hasn't learnt how to dress yet!AaRgH..really can't believe that Hansiang even said that I looked beta when I was younger..maeb his eyes got stamp or something..haha..
Sometimes I wonder why we just started to realise that we need to have taste when we dress?To attract guys?To show that we're grown up?Ha..that's really iNtEreSting, the way I used to shun the idea of going shopping once, and not bother about what I wore..now i just can't bear to step out of the house without thinking about whether I've just done the right thing about wearing that pair of high heels without running the risk of getting my heels stuck in some drain or sth..haiz..what a big difference..

today, tomorrow...

2004-09-26T20:09:00.000+08:00

I was just watching 'Cinderella Story' today...yeah, i mean, well, it does seem a little childish of me, but, yeah...i AM childish...haha...anyway, i actually expected something nOrMal of teenage love stories...hmm...yeah...i love u, u love me, we are happy family...dat sorta stuff...but no, i was touched...haiz...i dunno how many of u out there reading this could be thinking i'm gone bonkers or sth, but yeah...I AM TOUCHED, and by the unlikeliest movie ever...well, lord of the rings was touching...but this movie touches me differently...high school life, it's about pursuing ur dreams...and that got me thinking...that girl wants to go Princeton, I wanna go Cambridge, but *sigh* tough luck...it seems so far way off...who noes wad kinda life i may lead in time to come?Dad's going away now, with little bro, on the 27th Dec...aye...that date I will forever rmb...(that's way i have to go chalet)...has anyone ever experienced a broken family?sometimes i think...why me? why me out of everyone else?
People lie...for good or for bad...i do...many many times...that's why i love the stars...they don't lie...sparkling out there at a distance, i wish i was there...to hold and capture its brightness...so far yet so near...beautiful...
Often i go with xiaofangz to the swing...and we talk...she's the nearest to my heart...she noes everything that i can ever say...but sometimes, she doesn't understand everything...sometimes, i'm disappointed but others, i'm glad, else we'll frighten each other to death...haha...am i a very pessimistic person? yeah...maebe...i don't even noe myself...i always think on the dark side...death is like an enemy held at bay...anytime anywhere...
i was reading 'Shapechangers' Song'...oh my gosh...i forgot the author's name...Jennifer Robertson i think...and mind u...that book is worth another megamovie like the lord of the rings...the feelings after reading it are bittersweet...i feel like directing this movie when i grow up...all with Cheysuli and Ihlini..wow...how i wish i lived in that era, where men fought for dignity and pride...but no...i can't change it, so i onli can dream it...haiz...pathetic...but i've got a few actors and actresses in mind now: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Eric Bana, Michael Chad Murray...who acted as Wolverine?